Financial Risk Manager

Ways of Financial and Risk Management

The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.
Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader?A. A bond matures.
Q: Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?A. It's called the Warren buffet.
Q: What's the Capital of Iceland ?A: About 70 cents.
A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market decline and volatility worried him.The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby."Really?!?" replied the customer."Absolutely, " said the broker,"I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour."
The Difference between Communism & CapitalismIn communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the bank to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.
A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a ship wreck. Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the priest. The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him. But instead the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off. The mortgage broker asks, "How come you didn't eat me too?"And the shark replied,"Professional Courtesy!"

Labels: Jokes