Financial Risk Manager

Ways of Financial and Risk Management

Human Race

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posted @ 10:36 AM, ,

Latest Invention of WAPDA and KESC

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Regards,

Ministry of Power and Water

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posted @ 10:44 PM, ,

Cost Cutting - Part II

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posted @ 10:03 AM, ,

Two Opposite Suicides

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posted @ 10:59 AM, ,

Self Appraisal

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A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers).

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy: (with more perseverance) : "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida."

Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

Boy: "No thanks,

Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"

This is what we call "Self Appraisal"

Hey Guys,

One more thing to say...

Self appraisals are very important these days, because you people just think, how we complain about others' skill or performance, even including me??? But, if we think about our own skills and performance... hmmmm...!!!??? So, keep urself appraising frequently, both personally and professionally, with life as well as career. Just felt like sharing few words with you guys.

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posted @ 10:02 AM, ,

Don't copy if you can't paste..

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A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention,

Said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who Wasn't my wife!"

The crowd was shocked!!!!!!!!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well Received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste...

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posted @ 12:38 PM, ,

Recession Updates - Part 2

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  1. The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.
  2. Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
  3. Q: What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader?A. A bond matures.
  4. Q: Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?A. It's called the Warren buffet.
  5. Q: What's the Capital of Iceland ?A: About 70 cents.
  6. A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market decline and volatility worried him.The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby."Really?!?" replied the customer."Absolutely, " said the broker,"I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour."
  7. The Difference between Communism & CapitalismIn communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the bank to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.
  8. A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a ship wreck. Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the priest. The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him. But instead the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off. The mortgage broker asks, "How come you didn't eat me too?"And the shark replied,"Professional Courtesy!"

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posted @ 12:45 AM, ,

Good Suggestion for Cost Cutting

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Boss in meeting:

Boss asked from subordinates:

All Subordinates raised their hands and said together:

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posted @ 2:01 PM, ,

Know Your Customers:

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A disappointed salesman of ABC Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"The salesman explained "When I got posted in the Middle East , I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters...

First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand...totally exhausted and fainting. Second poster: The man is drinking our Cola.Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.And Then these posters were pasted all over the place"Then that should have worked!" said the friend."The hell it should have!? said the salesman. didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left"

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posted @ 5:21 PM, ,


Light Within

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